Toddler Tantrum’s, Why I Will Not Give In

“Just wait until he turns two, that is when the tantrums really start. Terrible twos are no joke.”

How many times do we hear about the terrible twos as our toddler’s attitude begins to take form? What they do not talk about, is how much worse three is. They do not tell you that the Temper Tantrum Express is coming to a station near you shortly after blowing out their third birthday candles. Nope, they let you find out that one yourself.

You see, once a child hits three, they have all of these new feelings and words. The problem is, the feelings they have and their ever growing vocabulary do not always agree. The final result is a crazy big meltdown in the middle of the store because we are mad and upset, but are not finding the words or means to express ourselves in a productive way. Instead, we scream, hit, kick, bite, throw things, and make you look like the worst parent in the world while you stand their and watch because screaming back at them or spanking them is frowned upon. Yep, mega tantrum, that sounds about right!

This is EXACTLY the picture that my sweet, amazing, wonderful hellion of a three-year-old painted today.

The Tantrum

Picture it if you will. 8:43 a.m. on a quiet Monday morning. Dollar General is quiet, and empty outside of the two store employees and a couple of local shoppers. Well, local shoppers, my sleeping infant, myself, and my extremely moody toddler.

We come around a corner and my son spots the hot wheels. Immediately he starts demanding, which progresses to screaming, that he “wants that race car”. I am busy looking at an outfit for the baby that has caught my eye (DG actually has some really cute baby clothes), and I proceed to inform him that he is going to politely ask if he wants to see something. After repeating myself numerous times, my three year old spouts in his grumpy voice “Puhleease can I get a race car.” I inform him we will pick one out as soon as I find the outfit I am looking for, and therein begins the meltdown.

“NO! I WANT RACE CAR NOW!!!”

Oh goodness, here we go.

I proceed to attempt to calmly explain that he will have to wait until I have finished looking, when he rips the outfit out of my hands. “Do you like that outfit for baby Ellie, Brendan?” I ask. “NO! YOU PUT IT BACK.” he screams as he keeps trying to hang it back up as I keep trying to put it into the cart.

This is when I realize my sweet boy has turned full on monster. There is no turning back now.

As the fight continues I explain to my screaming child that he is no longer getting a race car. Of course, this makes the meltdown worse, but I am determined not to reward bad behavior. At this point I have been kicked, yelled at, told what I am and am not going to do, and screamed at with a voice that nears the closest thing to a demonic possession that I have ever heard.

If people were not already staring, they were now.

My three-year-old chucks the Downy Unstoppables that I picked up, out of the cart and an aisle over. As I am attempting to locate the location where they landed, he begins screaming “Ow, Ow, Ow.”.  I stand back up to find him straining against the seat belt of the cart that he has already climbed most of the way out of. I unbuckle the seatbelt and remove him from the cart for him to collapse onto the floor in another dramatic screaming fit. As I check on his sister, who is still soundly sleeping through all of this somehow, he takes off running across the store to retrieve his race car.

Now, it is on.

Again, I explain to my child he is NOT going to get that car.

Again with the screaming, now coupled with sobbing and hyperventilating as slobber and snot drip down his face. Yeah, it’s gross. As I finally get the car from him and place it back on the rack, I make my turn to leave the store. The screaming begins again. Somehow we make it to the van and I manage to buckle my child between bouts of him screaming about the car, and me threatening to leave him.

Ahh….this is my life.

Throughout this entire tantrum, I could have made it stop. I could have spent the $1.05, and saved myself the embarrassment, but at what cost to him? Plenty of mom’s now-a-days make the decision to just leave their defiant child at home because it is easier. In my eyes, while it sucked this trip and we made a scene, today my son learned something.

My son learned that mommy is stronger than a scream. He realized that I will follow through on my word, even when he is mad and screaming and possibly possessed. He figured out that in order to get a toy in public, he must listen better than he did today. And with all of this learning, perhaps he will make better choices during his next trip to town.

Not only did he learn, but so did I. I figured out that while it may suck and is embarrassing, it doesn’t hurt me or my son for him to act like a butt in public when he does not get his way. I now know that while they may stare, most people probably understand what I am going through. Thus while they may be thinking rude and mean thoughts, I at least didn’t hear the comments. I also found that while I may feel like he is never going to get it, he is learning, and that these tantrums are a sign that we are learning together.

So no, I will not buy him the car.

How do you handle your toddler’s tantrums in public? Any tips or tricks? I would love to hear them!