Today, I Quit Moming – How I Realized it was OK to take a Mom Break

Have you ever had one of those days where your kids are all fighting, no one is listening, the baby is just not having it, and you just need to give up?

I do, probably at least once a day.

Today, however, I just quit. Quit Moming. I tell you what, I felt bad for 30 seconds, then I realized, it was all going to be ok.

You see, it all started just like most days.

The Morning

Ah, the morning time routine starts. Wake the kids up sweetly by telling them in the nice mom voice that it is time to get up and get ready to go. Go nurse the baby because she is screaming because she is hungry. Once she finishes nursing, change her diaper, and get her dressed. Start to get dressed yourself only to realize that one of the children did not get out of bed at all, and the other has not even managed to brush her teeth or hair yet.

Send out a warning tone telling everyone to get on task and hurry up.

Finish putting on clothes (doesn’t matter that you have on something that doesn’t even come close to matching because you are in a hurry to get your other kids ready.)

Out comes the crazy mom voice. “Why are you still not done in the bathroom?”. Followed closely by, “Why are you still in your bed? We have to go in 5 minutes!”. Next with the, “You are NOT wearing THAT to school! I do not care what the other girls wear, I am not their mom.”.

Finally we are all to the van.

One kid is crying. Another kid is pouting because they have to eat poptarts because they did not get ready in time to eat cereal. The last kid is content, but only until the van stops moving.

Drop the oldest off at school, and at least that part is over until the afternoon.

The Daytime

Now things should calm down for a bit right? There are only two at home, so this will be easier for a few minutes.

Get the toddler breakfast, though he is yelling because he wants the bunny cereal, not the peanut butter stuff, even though he spent the last 5 minutes screaming that he didn’t want the bunny cereal. Toddler pours his juice into the cereal, but at least he is finally eating it after 30 minutes of bantering back and forth with him.

Baby is hungry. All. The. Time. Ok, so she is not really hungry but apparently needs a human pacifier every 20 minutes of her life. Great for productivity. (Not that I remember what that is.)

Toddler needs a snack every 5 minutes. The best thing is, he can find his own snacks, so he is literally getting one every 5 minutes. Snack in his hand, oh man, he needs to get another one quick before he starves. GAHHHHH.

Also, there is no nap for the toddler because we are too big for that crap. Instead, we will whine, scream, and have huge holy hell meltdowns because we are so tired we cannot stand ourselves. But no nap. No, naps are for babies.

I repeat myself 500 million times, because, you know, you do that with a toddler.

Finally, it is time to go and pick up the oldest from school. Back to the van so that my toddler can sit in every seat BUT his own, then kick and scream when I make him sit in his seat. We do not want to be in that seat. That seat is for babies. Freaking Awesome.

The Wait

Baby is now SCREAMING because the van has stopped. No movement = the end of the world. Aren’t parent pickup lines the best?

Toddler, who peed right before he got in the van, now has to pee. Guess what is not readily available in the pick up line? A bathroom. Options are, put him outside of the van and let everyone see his tiny little butt as he pees on the ground (hmmm….probably not), let him pee his pants and wash the carseat again, or find an alternative.

Ahhhha! A water bottle. Time to teach the toddler to pee in  a water bottle. Success is had, only now he magically need to pee 3 more times before the oldest comes out of the school so that he can pee in the water bottle. And now I kinda want to gag because there is an open bottle of pee in my cup holder.This was a great idea.

The Pick-Up

Finally, the oldest is out of school, however, she is paying absolutely NO attention to the fact that you are parked at the curb. She is instead talking to her friends and digging through her backpack.

Now the parent pick-up teachers are looking at you like you are a psycho abductor who is there to steal kids because your car tag is in your child’s freaking backpack for some reason, and your child has no idea you are there. You roll down your window to explain as the teacher realizes the inside of your van has not been cleaned out in 3 weeks and looks like a family of 5 has been living in there. Also, your baby is still screaming bloody murder as if you have pinched her because the van is still not moving at a speed she is happy with.

Not explaining that to her. Don’t even care at this point. Judge away.

Your kid finally looks up, sees the van, and comes running. Load up and now you are off. Except your not.

Except your kid never opened her freaking homework folder today, so she didn’t realize her permission slip and tennis camp sign-up forms, both of which were due today, were in there. Yeah, those didn’t get turned in.

Now you park back at the school, and send the oldest back in to turn the papers in while wondering if your head is going to explode. She comes running back out, back into the van, and you are off.

The Final Straw

You arrive back at home.

The oldest is pouting because she has to clean her room, the toddler is pouting and screaming because he wants to play with the oldest who is pouting, and the baby is screaming because she now wants fed again. You hear the toddler and the oldest fighting upstairs, and wonder how long it will take before they wake their sleeping, 3rd shift daddy up. Quickly, you forgo the room that the oldest is not going to actually clean anyway, and you send the kids outside.

The screaming begins.

“He hit me.”

“She took my toy.”

“He is screaming for no reason.”

“I don’t want to play that game.”

Both kids come back inside. I turn on the TV, and….

I QUIT MOMING.

Guess what? I quit all of it. I stopped, shut myself in the bathroom. The older two are quiet, but only for a minute before they are fighting over a chair. The baby was content, until the older two started fighting, now she is awake and crying.

But guess what?

The older two are not murdering each other. No one is hurt, no one is dying, no one is bleeding. They can scream at each other for a minute. Maybe they will sort it out. (Ha!)

The baby is not starving and is clean and changed. She is just unhappy for a moment because she is awake, but she is safe.

My kids are surviving and thriving. They are not being neglected or beaten, so I can quit.

I can quit for 5 freaking minutes, lock myself in the bathroom that I did not get cleaned again today because, well, no time. I can browse Facebook, shop online, or just hide in peace and not unlock the door when the kids come knocking yelling, “Mommy, I need you.”

They will survive. They can entertain themselves (or fight through it) for 5 minutes. I can be a human, not a multi-functional referee, maid, coach, teacher, cook, stylist, taxi, and personal assistant. It is ok for me to be me for 5 minutes. I can recharge, reflect, and then try again. Yea, I can quit mommying for 5 minutes.

Have you ever quit mommying? What do you do when you need the 5 minutes? How do you decompress? I would love to hear about it!