How to get out of mowing your yard once and for all

“A woman’s place is in the kitchen.” Yeah, how many times have you heard that one before? Unfortunately, that is probably where I should have stayed tonight. Instead, I found myself out on my husband’s new zero-turn mower, mowing.

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At the beginning of the summer, my husband landed an AWESOME deal on a new toy for himself. A zero-turn mower. You know, the kind that turns on a dime and is super cool looking. The ones that you can use to mow the whole yard in like, 20 minutes. Most importantly, it is one that starts when you turn the key, a luxury that we have not always had at my house.

So tonight, I found myself looking at this super cool mower, just minutes after my husband left for work. My babies were all asleep, and I saw this as a golden opportunity. An opportunity to help my husband with the yard work, but more importantly, an opportunity to play with this shiny new toy.

An opportunity I probably should have run away from.

You see, while I try really hard to be helpful with things, the new, shiny, lawnmower just got the best of me. So for your pleasure, my “tips” to keep from having to mow your own lawn ever again. (Or my tips for being allowed to.)

Drop it, Drop it, Low Girl

The lower the deck setting on your mower, the shorter your grass gets cut. So the lower the deck when you mow your grass, the longer you can go between cutting it right?

Wrong.

The lower the deck setting you use on your mower, the greater the chance of you having beautiful patches of dirt growing all over your yard! I learned tonight, that I can create approximately 13 new dirt patches in less than 45 minutes when I drop the deck to the lowest cutting setting on my mower. My husband is so thrilled with my new landscaping plan. When it rains, I shall call it “puddles of mud.”

See, you can make art anywhere!

Drive it Like you Stole it

The capability of my mower to turn on a dime as a zero turn can only mean one thing.

Donuts.

Not the kind you eat either. The kind where you spin that puppy in circles as fast as it will go. It also means you can take corners going really fast. This creates a nice “rut” pattern in the corners of your yard, giving it a nice, rough finish. Makes short work of creating that dirt bike track your husband has been talking about. He totally wanted it in the front yard, right?

Make it a Multi-Purpose Tool

Mowing grass, mulching sticks, moving rocks, this beast can do it all!

I found that the new mower can not only make the grass look wonderful, but it does tricks too! If you get the mower too close to the driveway, it will throw rocks all over your yard in decoration. Also, if you run over big sticks (my husband would refer to them as small logs, but I digress) then it will mulch them for you! And it does all of this with minimal groaning and screeching!

Enter the Danger Zone

So, I cannot mow the yard when the kids are awake. This leaves me with one option.

Put the babies to bed, grab the baby monitor, and mow as fast as you can before it becomes too dark.

Best thing about mowing at dusk? You cannot see where you have mowed and where you haven’t. This means your yard becomes super uneven. Guess what though? You can totally blame it on the old blades on the mower and maybe, your husband will not know the difference.

Or you can chalk the uneven blades up to that artistic bit.

Speed, Nothing but Speed

I am a precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics.

Or….I am a full-time mommy who is getting to use a mower that goes much faster than usual.

Either way, this mower goes fast. Really fast. With the fact that it goes so fast, I learned the hard way not to mow the yard as quickly as you can. You see when you speed over the entire yard, apparently, the mower does not cut well, and your husband says the yard looks like shit. Who knew?

Apparently, I will no longer pretend to be Lightening McQueen when I mow.

The Morning After

So I pulled it off. I finished mowing the yard and the mower still was functioning when I parked it. I totally rocked it right?

Well…

I am here to tell you that the yard was mowed. My husband was not thrilled with the job I had done, but he was thrilled it was done. Had this been any other man with a shiny new mower, I probably would not have been allowed back on it. My husband, however, is kind, loving, and incredibly willing to give me a second chance.

We shall see where that chance lands me.

Do you have any awesome stories about getting to use your husband’s new toys? Anything that you have destroyed lately, or is that just me? Comment below and let me know!