Pre-Teen Attitude-How I am Managing it in my Home
Having problems managing that lovely pre-teen attitude?
Yeah, so am I. I swear it is starting earlier than ever nowadays. As some of you may already know, I have an amazing, sweet, loving, smart, 8-year-old girl who lives under the same roof as I. This same child believes that she is about 22 and knows EVERYTHING. This sometimes, (maybe more that sometimes) causes problems in the household. Sound familiar?
Some of you may also know that I have a 3-year-old in my home as well who is having tantrums of his own that could rival the best natural disasters. If you do not know about these tantrums yet, you can read about my humiliation here.
Go ahead, I will wait.
Now do you not see how lucky I am to have these two home all summer with a newborn? But really, I do love all three of my kiddos, sometimes momma just needs a coffee or five to handle everyone.
Ok, back to my 8-year-old. So today I managed to finally find something that actually works to curb the “‘tude” as it is called in my home. Hopefully, this will be a fun trick for those of you who could use some peace in your own home as well!
Disclaimer: it is going to royally PISS THEM OFF before they reflect and realize their wrongdoing. Totally worth it though.
The Behavior
So this afternoon started much like any other. I picked my lovely daughter up from school, she got into the van, and we began to discuss her day. Shortly after we arrived home, however, her friend “the ‘tude” showed up.
Now, this was not the first time I have met “the ‘tude”. As a matter of fact, from about the ripe old age of 3 (see a trend here?) Mr. ‘tude has been gracing us with his presence on a fairly regular basis. He enjoys rearing his ugly little head in all kinds of Kodak moments at my house.
Today, it was while my children were happily playing with my 3 year old’s new fishing pole. As my children were playing together, actually getting along for one, you better believe, here came “the tude.”
It started off subtle, an eye roll, some small back talk. Then it progressed to complaining. On and on complaining about how there is just nothing to do outside besides play with her brother’s fishing pole. (I live in the middle of the country mind you and have umpteen million freaking outdoor toys and two playsets, but apparently nothing to do.)
I provide my 8 year old fair warning to go and find something to do, or I am going to find something for her. Then it happens. “But I don’t want to do any of those. There is nothing to do.”
Fine. Whatever. You apparently do not have enough. Instead, lets complain about it. That sounds like a great idea.
The Consequence
So, instead of engaging in what would have been just one more argument to add to our growing collection, I provided my daughter with something to do! A simple task, mindless really, but one she was definitely was not happy about.
“Alright, then you get to go pull 15 weeds from the garden.”
Argument. “But I do not want to go do that. I do not like pulling weeds.” (Instead her favorite pastime activity in my garden is to apparently dig giant holes that have no purpose. Good stuff.)
“I did not ask if you wanted to. I told you to stop complaining. You chose not to, and now you are going to go pull weeds.” I handed her a pair of gloves, and watched as she kicked the rocks I was working on landscaping with. “And now you can pull 20 instead of 15.”
And guess what guys? Just like that, the attitude vacated the premises. (Well, at least towards me. The garden was seeing lots of attitude time.)
Guess what else? My amazingly wonderful 8 year old only ended up pulling 35 weeds that I asked her to before she figured out to stop arguing! It was a miracle!
The Takeaway
So outside of the fact that my garden saw some much needed weeding, something else happened today. A mindless chore turned into an awesome lesson for my child that she is probably going to learn over and over this summer. While she wholeheartedly believes that her attitude is cute and funny a good part of the time, no one else finds it funny. Not even the weeds in the garden.
My takeaway on the other hand is even more exciting! Not only did I find a punishment that actually works without the two of us screaming at one another, guess who is going to have a beautiful garden all summer? While I do fully expect to have to come up with a new chore this Fall, the garden will be a great place for her to reflect and decompress this summer.
Not only that, but guess who actually decided to stick around and pull more weeds after hitting the number set forth for her consequence? Yep, you guessed it! Perhaps that fresh air and alone time is doing her more good than I initially realized!
Having problems with attitude in your pre-teen? What have you tried to correct the behavior? What has worked? Drop me a comment and let me know! I would be glad to hear from you!
Great post!!! Writing and idea!! You are definitely correct in addressing this asap and consistently. What I’ve done when this starts up in children (I’m a Mom now to two adult children, former preschool teacher/home childcare biz)( today continue to work with children providing personal Childcare in homes for families) this attitude never seems to amaze me it’s the same deal but yes unfortunately it’s happening younger and younger. My number go to procedure when this starts occurring on a regular after warnings is I don’t engage with- as you called it “Mr. Tude”(lol) I let the child know that they have to work themselves away from the tude on their own I cannot help them figure that out when they are finished going through it they can join me over here (usually I move intentionally in another room, space) because the more attention we give this the bigger it gets same for the younger child they have to get themselves out of it of course with todflers we provide the worfs for them to get out “your ok” etc.
I just walk away or if it’s in public I ignore and look at something else. After a few times they realize I’m not playing a part with this, or will not be accepting “any negative talk” from them which I would say “I’m sorry I can’t hear those words, or those words don’t make me feel good come back by me when you find better choice of words and a sweeter tone”….then they snap out fast for fear of missing out or, lack of my eyes or attention on them…..if there is a sibling (😊) the sibling that is listening is engaging with me and helps the child snap out…as they get older I’ll hear the negative words, tone I say “Oh excuse me while I work over here come join me when your done with all of that”….they always run to me I’m ready Mrs. Shauna and I move on as if nothing ever happened works for me every time 😉
Oh gosh, how I dread the teenage years. My little guy is in the terrible twos and we have already met “the tude”. I think providing choice for kids, regardless of age, is key! Much like choosing to not complain or be assigned an activity.
Good one. I made my son clean the bathroom! That was a chore… for me! but I got him to do it!!