Gross things Parents have Done but Won’t Admit

Kids are sometimes gross. Like really gross. But what if I told you that there is a whole list of gross things parents do too?

Oh yes. There is a list of nastiness surrounding the disgusting endeavors we must face as parents. Think you are exempt from doing gross things as a parent?

Let’s see how many you cannot check off on this list!

Caught Vomit Like A Pro

Because sometimes, your kid pukes in the most unconventional place. Better in your hands than on your in-laws’ $400 rug…. right?

Dissecting Diapers

Listen. Sometimes we just need to know how many of those giant purple beads they ingested. If you must go turd-smashing to take inventory, so be it.

Shirts as Snotrags

Turn up the shirt underside of any child with a crazy runny nose. You are almost guaranteed to find the booger Picasso you never imagined. (Because seriously, booger painting is gross.) Tissues are not always handy…no judging.

Towel Over the Pee

2:43 AM is not the time that any parent wants to be awake changing the sheets. Towels are incredibly absorbent and kind of close to the size of a sheet, so if it happens before the sun rises, we are probably going to roll with it.

Tossing the Underwear

Potty training can be the worst, especially when there is an accidental #2. Therefore, when you find my kids shitty underwear in the Wal-Mart trash can, just keep on about your business Suzie.

Minivan Urination Station

If you are a mom of a boy, then we all know about that bottle/cup of warm pee you have had in your cup holder. When you gotta pee, you gotta pee. And when they have to go in the middle of stand still traffic on the way to Disney, sometimes you do it in a bottle from the backseat. Oh yeah, that is just one of the gross things parents do.

Lost a Diaper

Whether it was in the car, in the van, in the toy room, etc., we have all done it. Don’t worry, that diaper will turn up soon. Probably when the dog drags it through the house in pieces, or when your company smushes it under the cushions.

Sent Poop Pics

“OMG, this turd literally just came out of my kid! It is MASSIVE!”

Actual caption sent to a mom friend with a picture of my kid’s turd. Shit happens, and sometimes, it’s impressive.

Nasty Bites off Your Kids Plate

We have all done it. You are hungry, starving really, so you wisely grab a bite off the kids plate while cleaning up. Then, once it is in your mouth, the realization hits you. That particularly soggy bite has already been in your kids mouth, chewed on a bit, and spit back out.

Ran Away From The Stray Booger

Ever been in the department store and heard your child sneeze? Then you spin around just in time to see them wipe their booger filled nostrils all over the $150 sweater that was in arms reach? Don’t worry, we ran away too mama. Fast.

Been Handed A Gold Mine

It doesn’t matter how sophisticated you believe your children to be, at some point in time, they are going to hand you the biggest booger you have ever seen. It may be at a time when you have a tissue handy. More likely, it will be when you are driving down the road and are completely oblivious. You have been warned.

Crazy Mom Talk

Time for some truth. If you were not able to check off a single thing off my list of gross things parents do, and you are currently a parent, then we really need to explore how honest you are with yourself.

If you were able to check off every one of these items however, you are totally one of my people and probably need to be added to my list of mom friends. Want to learn more about the mom friends I think every mom should have? You can read more on that here.