Finding Sanity as A Working Mom – The 80% Rule

Recently I was listening to a podcast as I often do because honestly, I need the REAL people in my life and I heard a statement I needed more than I knew when I started the episode. A statement that was to lead to me finding sanity as a working mom.

You see when I listen to podcasts like We Can Do Hard Things Podcast, I am often only partway listening. Between my self-diagnosed ADHD, my on-the-go schedule, and the safety of the other people on the road, sidewalk, grocery store aisle, etc. that I am listening from, I only am picking up a portion of what these amazing ladies are putting down. But what I am getting, hits home every time.

So when I heard the truth bomb drop that I could go from giving 100% of myself to everyone and everything, and instead giving like 80% and everyone would still survive…mama did my jaw hit the floor. Finding sanity as a working mom is hard, and I might have just achieved a major step in finding it.

You see, that one statement got me thinking.

In my life, as a working mom, I wear so freaking many hats:

Mom of three, amazing but ostentatious and sometimes over-dramatic kids.

Director of Operations for a logistical leasing company finding hiring solutions for companies across the country.

 Lover, sometimes star crossed, sometimes eyes crossed, but lover all the same.

 Homemaker, no matter how much I want to hire a maid and give this whole damn role up.

Crafter of all the things because I have yet to find a DIY that I cannot tackle (and I refuse to not try).

All of these hats alongside those of a taxi driver, chef, personal assistant, avid reader, writer, storyteller, and aspiring wine enthusiast. (Ok, so there are probably more things to add here, but for the sake of honesty, now is the time that I tell you that I am aspiring pretty damn hard in tonight’s realizations.)

Dear reader…mama….girllllllll…..let’s level for a second.

All of these hats have been stacking up and tumbling down for years. From time to time, one or two become my favorite and get more attention, though I still try my damn-dest to wear the hell out of all of them. I still make my best attempt, daily, to give 100% to every hat that I wear if nothing else, for the sheer sake of getting those puppies out of the box and letting the world see their beauty.

And at the end of the day? Well, at the end of the day, I am FREAKING EXAUSTED.

Insert this podcast episode that I am only 80% listening to. Likely as I am strolling the isles of the Dollar Tree stress craft shopping to appease 3 of my other hats while neglecting the other 700 thousand.

Picture it.

I am strolling the Christmas décor aisle, finding more signs to add to my pile of ever-growing Christmas signs that I still need to put into wreaths at home. Finding new ornament pieces that I can add to my to-do list that will likely not get done because work is taking more and more hours lately. Finding fun, crafty odds and ends that I really have no freaking clue what I am going to do with, yet, they are only one dollar, so why not.

And then I hear it.

No one’s world is going to end if I stop giving 100% and instead give 80% every once in a while.

And then it hits me.

I AM NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE EVERYONE 100% OF ME ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

As a matter of fact, I am already not giving everyone 100% of me. I just FEEL like I am because I am trying so damn hard.

And because I am trying so hard to achieve that level of perfection, I AM FUCKING EXAUSTED.

So here I find myself, with my $34.24 in Dollar Tree merchandise, waiting impatiently at a register in Avon, IN as I am being checked out by a woman who clearly understands more of the meaning of life than I do as she is talking to everyone around us and is not checking me out as fast as she possibly can. I am internally in a freaking meltdown because I am experiencing major life realization inside of the DOLLAR FUCKING TREE of all places.

I finally get through the scanning of all 33 of my items, pay my total, and get out to my mini-van to let out a sigh of relief followed by a hysterical set of giggles.

Eighty percent.  I have just permitted myself to give 80% (Likely the same 80% I have already been giving in my strive to give 100% to all of my hats at once, but I digress). I have just realized, based on the words of a stranger whom I have followed through 3 novels and countless podcast episodes that I needed to permit MYSELF to give 80% and to realize that when that is all the more I achieve while wearing one specific, over the top hat, that the rest of the world will go on no differently ( or with very little difference then they would have) had I given 100% to every hat I wear.

You guys. I had an epiphany in the Dollar Tree parking lot. You heard it here first.

So tonight, I leave you with the following three things.

1. You can (AND FREAKING NEED TO) give yourself the permission to give only 80%. If you are wearing 700 thousand hats all the time such as myself, you likely are already giving that much with everyone around you thriving as you strive to achieve that 100% milestone. Take a breath already, you deserve it.
2. Find someone who speaks your truth and check in there OFTEN. For me, this is the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, because honestly, I spent a lot of time thinking I was alone in my ways of thinking and my life, and these ladies made me realize I AM NORMAL and I am finding sanity as a working mom….holy shit, right?
3. You are so freaking amazing just for showing up the way you are right here, right now. Honestly, the fact that you are still reading proves that you are looking for answers, for ways to improve, and I hope today you found out that you are rocking it doing all the things you are already doing. Funny how that happens.

You are amazing, I believe in you, and thank you for showing up for both you and me,

Chelsea

**Side Note: Sister, Glennon, if that one was taken out of context, please excuse me. Again, I was only listening about 80% and at the time, I didn’t even know it.