Diving Head First: Embracing Fear and Going for It!

I’ve never been the kind of woman who figures out all the details before diving into the deep end. As rational as it sounds to learn how to swim instead of embracing fear as if it were a pair of water wings before plunging into 12-foot waters, that just was never my strong suit.

Instead, I find myself on a different path. I watch in awe as others make their way off the high dive. They confidently walk to the end of the diving board, bounce once, twice, three times, then gracefully spin their bodies and slice into the water with precision.

After admiring their talent for a few minutes, the switch flips in my head, and that awe is swiftly replaced with determination.

I’m going off that high dive.

Can I swim? Maybe.

Do I know how to dive? Absolutely not, but it doesn’t look that hard.

Have I ever practiced doing any kind of flip anywhere but on the floor? Well, no, but honestly, as long as I avoid smacking my head on the end of the diving board, the rest is just falling in a circular motion. I fall all the time. This will be a cakewalk.

So, I make my way up that hypothetical diving board ladder, full of confidence and the will to perform. As I ascend, I climb onto the board and start walking towards the center.

Shit. This thing is wobblier than it looks. I bet I look cool as hell up here, though. Just keep strutting your stuff on the catwalk; no one knows you’re an imposter yet.

Nearing the edge of the board, I realize my legs are starting to shake a bit. I’m not worried, though. No, this is just a diving board above a puddle of water waiting to catch me safely. I’m embracing fear, and I’ve totally got this.

Eminem starts playing in my head, “Knees weak, arms are heavy, there’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.”

I really hope I don’t vomit. That will kill my vibe and then everyone will know I don’t know what I’m doing. Also, did I eat before I got up here? If I did, I can’t be in the pool for 30 minutes, so I could totally use that as an excuse and climb back down.

NO.

I silence the imposter monster in my brain. I’ve made it this far. I’m already standing at the edge of this board, looking cool as hell, legs shaking and making the board bounce, but probably in a cool way. I’m totally jumping.

And so, I bounce.

Once. My legs hit that board and my knees about buckle. Shit. I didn’t consider how much this board was going to shake under me when I jumped.

Twice. Once in the air, I am an eagle. When my feet hit that board again, I am a large blob of jiggly jello that may just slide off this board. Whose idea was this again?

My feet make contact with the board for the third time. I give it everything I have and I launch myself into the air.

Oh look, I’m flying! Oh wait, I’m supposed to be doing the fancy flippy thing now.

I lean into the flip and, I… LOOK… FLAWLESS.

Well, until my flip is only half-executed and I land, flat on my back in the water below me with a smack. The breath is knocked from me and the water surrounds me as I sink, lower, lower, and lower still.

My feet hit the bottom and I push off, jetting back towards the surface, ready to face my audience. As I break the surface, I scream “I FREAKING DID IT!” and the claps erupt.

As I swim to the side of the pool, I continue with my personal celebration while the confused onlookers’ claps start to die off. I emerge from the pool with a smile on my face, shoulders back, and head held high.

I did the scary thing. I got up there while embracing fear, and made the jump.

A friend approaches and whispers to me, “You realize you totally flopped, right? Are you ok?”

To which I respond, “I did the opposite of flopping. I climbed the ladder, proudly walked the board, and soared into the air. I performed the stunt, hit the water, and resurfaced. I am an absolute badass who did a badass thing.

I am not only ok, I am FREAKING AWESOME.”

You see, my friend, you do not have to have all the pieces figured out before you dive into the deep end. You do not even have to have the next two or three pieces figured out.

If it comes down to doing it scared or not doing it at all, then it’s time to get up there and do it scared with confidence.

As women, we can absolutely do the things that scare us with pride. We can also let those things that scare us keep us off the diving board entirely. The choice is ours. It always is, always was, and always will be. We just have to decide if we are going to wait until the day comes when we might have all the information needed to not be afraid, or if we are going to do it now. If we are going to put aside our fears of looking silly, or incompetent, or not worthy of our goal, and make the dive.

Because we can look silly for a few minutes while embracing fear and doing the damn thing, or feel silly for weeks, months, years for sitting on the sidelines while others take the opportunity.