Body Image: An Open Letter to the Adults in my Daughter’s Life

To the Adults in my Daughter’s Life,

Today, my 9-year-old little girl came home from school hungry.

Not because she had a lack of food. Not because she didn’t like what she had taken for lunch that day.

No, she came home hungry because had been told recently by an adult in her life that she was gaining weight.

Mind you, this was an adult who my child looked up to. One who should be portraying nothing but positive messages, and nothing short of an abundance of support to a growing girl.

And yet, my daughter at the innocent age of 9 held herself from eating half of her lunch so that she would not become fat. The perception of her own body image had held her back.

Guess what?

This isn’t the first time.

Nor, I fear, will it be the last.

You see, my daughter after stepping on a scale in the presence of someone who should love her unconditionally, was told that she had “gained a lot of weight.”

My little girl made me proud by retorting to this comment that she “is beautiful no matter the number”.

And what response did she receive?

“That is what fat people say.”

…

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

How in the heck is this message appropriate to share with a child? Is it not hard enough for a girl in today’s world to thrive when she is always being compared to a smaller frame? Is negative body image not a well enough known issue in this day and age?

For you adults out there who will touch my daughter’s life, please hear this.

My child will receive enough negative perceptions of her body image from her peers, the media, and society as a whole. Your two cents are not needed.

As a parent, I expect that the adults that come into my child’s life will help to encourage her growth as a person, rather than tearing her down.

Sure. I understand that there will come a time when my child’s weight may need to be addressed. Alas, unless you have the degree and medical backing to do so, then please refrain from pushing your negative perceptions of body image onto my child.

As a child, my daughter has many things to be worried about. Her body image should not be one of them.

School, sports, friends, family, life. Why should she also be worried about the repercussions of finishing the other half of her hot dog?

The truth is, it is people like you who influence the way my child sees herself.

No matter the number of times her father and I tell her she is perfect and beautiful the way she is when she hears something to the contrary from a figure of authority outside of the two of us, she takes it to heart. The same heart that we have worked so hard to keep whole, pure, and innocent. The one that you shatter in a matter of seconds because you cannot keep an opinion to yourself.

And yet, being an adult who does not live with my child, you do not see the repercussions.

You do not see my daughter start starving herself before she turns 10 out of fear of not having a flat stomach. Do not see my child tear herself down while staring in the mirror before she showers trying to figure out why she does not have a perfect body.

You do not see the struggle my child has getting dressed every morning while trying to avoid clothes that fit snuggly enough that someone may be able to see that she does not have a perfect waistline.

The waistline she should not even be concerned with having at this point in her life.

The one she has not yet had the opportunity to develop, as she is still a CHILD.

No, you see none of the struggles. Instead, you simply see a place to insert your opinion about HER body image with no care as to what will come after.

Guess what?

I see the damage you cause.

As a parent, I get to pick up the shattered, broken pieces and try to put them back together. And as a parent, I beg you to think twice before you share your opinions the next time.

As an aunt/uncle, family friend, teacher, coach, bus driver, etc., you do not see the pressure that my child is already under. Nor do you know how deeply your words can hurt, or how long it can take to repair your damage. All you see is your two-second time window.

So please, next time you have that window, I beg you to share encouragement instead of negativity.

I ask you to help to build my little girl up. Give her a reason to shine, rather than making her want to run and hide. Provide her with a smile in a world that will make her want to cry.

Because as much as I can try to mend and glue the wounds you create, once she hears those words, those wounds will never fully close.

You see, that is the power of words.

And yet, once they have left your lips, there is no taking them back.

So please, as a concerned parent, consider your words before you speak. Let them be positive because as an adult, you have that power. And as an adult, you know that society will have all the time in the world to be negative to my little girl as she grows older.

As for right now, I want her to be happy and carefree. I want her to know she is beautiful, and that no one has the ability to take that from her. And while I can tell her until I am blue in the face, she will only believe it when she is empowered by others to do so.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Mother

Enjoy this post? Click here to learn more about my relationship with my oldest daughter, and the story of how she made me a mother.