Being Too Much: A Guide to Embracing Your True Self

“Can you tone it down just a tad? You are being too much.”

Have you heard that you are being too much, too?

I, for one, have been hearing it my whole life.

Sure. At times, the words differed slightly, but the messaging? The messaging stayed the same…

“You talk too much.”

“You have too much energy”

“You are over the top with your positivity.”

“Are you always this bubbly?”

Sound familiar?

Throughout our lives, this programming that we have to stop being too much has been drilled into us.

Stay small. Stay quiet. Remain “status quo,” and you will never exceed that threshold of “muchness” that we, as females, are expected to maintain. Do your best to fit in with the general population and not rock the boat, and you will find success. And at the end of the day, avoid being too much at all costs.

Obviously, if we are hearing the same message again and again from those around us, it must be relevant, right? This has to be the way to embark on the journey of embracing our true self, right? I mean, being too much must be bad if we are forever told to stop being it.

Are you laughing while feverishly shaking your head no yet? If you are not, you totally should be. 

So then, why is it that we, as female powerhouses (or aspiring powerhouses for those just starting their own journeys), have allowed this simple request to be taken as a negative connotation our entire lives? How come in a world focused on empowerment or women, we have continued to embrace this message and hold it close to our core? Why is it that we have housed “being too much” with a level of shame and guilt that we now continuously allow to dull our shine? Isn’t that the last thing that we should have done?

And what if I told you that embracing that sense of “being too much” is precisely what could be the tip of the iceberg on you unlocking your personal next level?

On Being Too Much

Think back for me. When is the first time you can remember being told something that made you feel that you were being too much?

How old were you? (I can imagine it was likely pretty early in your childhood. Looking at my own experience, I know it was for me.) 

I was forever the loud child. The kid who always had something to say, often loudly, and wanted everyone to hear it. (Not much has changed in this area of my life, obviously)

Growing up, I continued to hear this same message, repeated over and over again.

• I was talking too much.
• The outfit I had put together was too much.
• My personality as a whole was too much.
• My energy was too much. (Followed by, “Just how much caffeine had I already consumed to be that bubbly that early in the morning anyway?”)

Before long, I was faced with a challenge, and my options were one of two things:

1. I could climb inside this little box where I would know my every limit. Then, I can remain within an acceptable level of “muchness” to please society as a whole and follow all of the cultural norms.

OR

     2. Embrace the fact that I was always going to live louder than some of the people around me, and own my innate ability to be too much. (And in doing so, feed into the movement of empowerment for women to help others like me do that same!)

Baby Steps to Finding “Me”

For a long time, I was the woman who chose option number 1. I mean, why wouldn’t I have? I could live in a place of safety and comfort, knowing that people would like me because I remained complacent. While things were going on around me that I did not necessarily agree with, if I chose to keep my opinions to myself, I would not upset anyone. This meant I was not responsible for creating intense emotions in others, and no one was coming after me for using my voice. 

I am a deep feeler and have been labeled as being a highly sensitive person on more than one occasion. This meant that the thoughts and negative emotions of others had the ability to wreak havoc on my own emotions.

So I did what I could to avoid them. I was quiet. I was happy. I was small.

Throughout my 20s, I can recall seeing my authentic self peek out from between the slats of my small box home a few times. I remember falling deep into the “embracing your true self” messaging for small periods of time. Joining in the ranks of others marching to futher empowerment for women, and holding my head high.

During these moments, I would gain a bit of confidence from the validation of another. Then for a little time, I would allow my inner boss to shine. This would go on just long enough for me to hear that age-old message that I was “being too much” yet again. Then, up went the emotional wall, and I would go back into hiding.

And then, one day, I woke the fuck up.

Embracing Your True Self and the Ability to Live Out Loud

Living in a way that is safe and cozy is well and all. When you make the decision that you are hell-bent on glory, and you are going to embrace your true self at all costs?

My babes, this is when you realize that embracing your ability to live your life out loud will come with some sudden changes that will cause some discomfort.

But you know what else it is going to come with?

• Crazy Confidence
• Self-Worthiness
• Emotional Intelligence
• Deep Empathy
• Immense Badassery

And that is just the short list…

So now you pose the question, how is it that you start this journey?

Remember a few minutes ago when I asked you to envision the first time you were led to believe that you were being too much? Yep, we are going to go right back there.

So, how was it that you were first put into that space?

Was it for talking? Creating? Expressing yourself?

Whatever that moment was for you, I want you to sit with it. I want you to think about what it is you were doing, or trying to say, or trying to wear. I want you to consider how excited you were before you were cut down. Then, I want you to venture into the depths of your mind. Find those strong feelings and emotions associated with that moment, and bring them back to the surface.

Had you not been made to feel that you had to change, can you imagine where you would be today? If you instead had been encouraged to embrace your true self, would you be somewhere different than where you are now?

How does that vision align with your current goals? Do you have any similarities?

I bet you do…

I want to hold on to those connections. Also, I want to buckle in because now, we travel to the kingdom of discomfort as we unlearn those beliefs.

Doubling Down on Embracing Your True Self

So you have started to remember just who you were before the world taught you who they wanted you to be. (Thanks Charles Bukowski for that spiraling thought)

Now, it is time to start figuring out who it is you are with these self-discoveries you have made. Then, you can take those discoveries and put them into practice.

Speaking once again to my own life, as we have discovered my passion resides in words.

Not just any words though.

No, typically the words I become most passionate about are the ones that are coming out of my mouth as I use them to empower, delight, or entertain those around me.

Looking over my life thus far, I find that I have used my passion for words to build interpersonal relationships with people around me. This is something that started at a young age for me and has been nothing short of one good thing amongst many in the development of who I am today. I can see the proof of where this has benefited my life with meaningful friendships made with new people, amazing work relationships, and even as I examine the relationship with my kids.

 I can also see where my desire to play small has provided multiple missed opportunities in my life.

Opportunities where I could have made a difference in the life of another had I been willing to “be too much” and allow my voice to be heard in an unconventional situation. Situations where I KNOW that had I been brave enough to risk “being too much” and speaking my truths, I could have made major contributions to the conversation.

Having made these realizations, I decided, it was time to become the queen of my damn kingdom.

Becoming the Queen of Muchness

I knew there were a literal ton of things I could be doing differently to aid in the movement of empowerment for women.

Cut to today: I am putting my words out on not just the blog, but also across my social media channels. (If you are not following me yet, you totally should because some of this messaging is funny as hell, and you never know when I will be dropping new ideas). I am broadening my horizons in the world of podcasting and letting my voice be heard. Engaging in programs and retreats with women the likes of whom I aspire to one day be, AND I even plan to apply to hit a stage or two. I join challenges on the regular that are centered around embracing my true self, and I stay focused on achieving my goals.

As for your own personal journey, where is it that you need to be seen, or where do you need to engage to go next level?

This kingdom can be as big or as little as you create it to be, though I implore you to explore these outlets in depth. Figure out where it is in your life that you were detoured from showing up and start inhabiting these places. Put on your bells, whistles, and your outfit with the most pizzazz, and get out there. Your inner child and the current version of yourself need to see you show up as the badass you truly are.

A Word on the Nay-Sayer’s

It has come to the point where we have to address the asshat in the room if you will. On this journey, you will still have those lovely human beings who continue to tell you that you are being too much. The more you work on embracing your true self, the more they will appear. Don’t worry though, we have a plan for them.

When this happens, we take a deep breath, and we say, “Thank you for your opinion,” and we go on. (Or we hit them with an ever-popular “Fuck off” before strutting off in our newfound glory, whichever floats your boat)

The moral of the story here is this: When you show up as your most authentic, truest version of yourself, your presence is going to threaten some of those individuals who still live within their own box. When those people feel threatened, they try to eliminate the threat by making you go back to your old way of thinking so that you can be small again and they can go back to the place they believe they belong, residing just over your head.

These people are not your people.

Your people are cheering you on from the stands, waiting to see your next move. They want to see you win. They are hanging off your every word. 

Good news! Those people are the ones that you look to for advice, support, and encouragement when you need it. These same people will meet you with much empathy and understanding when you fall and will be there for the journey to help you to rise back up. 

Is that comment section full of trolls?

Yeah, they can stay small in their little life, talking big game from behind a computer screen, seeing in what way they can cause others’ pain. 

We. Don’t. Care.

Because in the grand scheme of things, you are never going to make everyone happy. I don’t care if the nay-sayer in question ends up being a stranger, a close friend, or a family member.  In your pursuit to share your message with the world, these people are not your freaking audience, so why give them any say in your growth process? 

I promise you that you do not have enough time to play people pleaser and to excel in all the different ways you seek to win. 

It is time to choose you, woman! Your true self will thank you for it. Also, it will in no way make you a bad person if you avoid the negative effects of engaging with individuals with low self-esteem. This is the time to show up for you, haters be damned.

A Few Last Thoughts

If you have stuck around and are still reading, I say congratulations to you. I am hella freaking proud of you for wanting to do the work on embracing your true self and being committed to doing the damn thing.

I hope that this post has brought you insight, clarity, and some action steps to consider. If so, I advise you to subscribe to my blog so you can follow along as I continue to share important messages to working moms like myself and women in general. This train of empowerment for women is full steam ahead, so jumping on now can only take you to the most fun of destinations.

If not, thank you for reading what I have to say, and I hope to connect again in the future. When we do, I hope to find that this post has helped you on your own journey of embracing your true self. I cannot wait to cheer on how you grow.